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I recently got a new neighbor. This guy is hot, tall, brunette, strong, just how I like him.

We haven't met yet, but I can tell he's the kind of guy that will get down and dirty at the drop of a hat.

So, with my deepest, corniest creativity, I've concocted a way for us to meet by happenstance.

Thanks to online shopping, I can have anything delivered to me in just 24 hours.

Except this time, it won't be delivered to me.